Good morning Reader,
Welcome to the 34th issue of The FAM.
Agency
From the Latin agere – “to do,” “to act,” “to set in motion.”
Later agentia – the power to make things happen.
I used to hate the word “agency.”
I remember sitting in a mastermind program in Franklin, TN and the coach threw it around as if it were the answer to everything, and I honestly had no idea what he meant. It felt distant, guru-speak, irrelevant to a guy running a business, raising kids, and just trying to keep all the plates spinning.
I couldn’t relate. I didn’t get it. There was a mix of shame at not understanding, overwhelm from daily obligations, and a subtle fear of failure that loomed over me. Agency was not on my radar because I was too caught up in surviving each day.
Then life did what life does. It pressed until something broke open. Through exhaustion, hard conversations, and finally listening to that quiet ache inside, the word landed differently. Agency stopped being a buzzword and became the exact thing I had been missing: the felt power to act on my own life instead of reacting to everyone else’s.
If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “I’m on autopilot,” or “I’m out of gas, running on empty,” or “I have no choice, people count on me,” I hope the word agency takes on a new light for you as it did for me.
Viewing agency as a skill we can cultivate rather than a fixed trait helps empower us. We all have the potential to grow our ability to act with intention and choose our paths. Recognizing this shift starts with understanding why we settle and how to stop. By approaching agency as something you can nurture and expand, you open the door to genuine transformation.
Picture Two Points
On the left: Our life. Today’s reality. The alarm that goes off too early, the endless to-do list, the kids’ schedules, the work demands, the quiet worry that time is slipping.
On the right: Our dreams and the hope for a better future. More energy, deeper presence with the people we love, work that actually feels like we are making a difference, a legacy we’re proud to leave.
Between those two points is a gap.
Agency is what bridges the gap.
To truly understand its importance, consider the tangible costs of inaction. Imagine missing out on a promotion because you weren’t proactive, experiencing strain in a marriage due to constant distractions, or facing a health scare from neglecting self-care.
These are the real stakes that make crossing the gap essential right now. By acknowledging them, the urgency to act becomes clearer.
When we embrace this agency, we move forward. We shape the future we actually want. When we don’t – when we doubt we can change our circumstances – we slide backward and settle.
I’ve concluded that there is an urgency to our embracing our agency.
If Not Now, When?
Most of us have quietly stopped believing we can close that gap. Would you agree Reader?
We’ve handed our steering wheel to our jobs, expectations, other people’s emergencies, and the general noise of life. That’s how agency gets starved.
It happens slowly.
You become “the one everyone counts on.” You become the mom keeping everything together. You become the leader with all the answers that must be on every Zoom call and in every meeting. Roles replace the person. Decisions get made for you.
“My boss expects more than I can give” becomes normal. “Keeping it all going without falling apart” becomes the goal. And one day you wake up weary, asking, “Am I missing my kids grow up?” or “Did I make the right decisions?”
That lack of agency is real. But the way back is simpler than we think.
Agency Begins Inside
Centuries ago, a thinker named René Descartes looked at a world falling apart and did something radical: he suggested we turn inward. He realized that even when everything outside feels shaky, there is still an unbreakable core inside each of us that can say, “I am here. I can act.” That moment lit the fuse for personal responsibility as we know it today.
I call that inner spark Inner Duty.
Duty usually feels heavy, external, imposed, something we owe the world. Inner Duty is the opposite. It’s like a gentle compass within, quietly steering us toward the life we’re capable of living. It’s an empowering recognition that you owe yourself the exploration and fulfillment of your potential.
It’s the moral obligation to stop settling and start acting. It’s not a burden added on top of everything else. It’s the fire that makes everything else lighter.
Reclaiming agency is answering that Inner Duty with daily, doable acts.
Below are four strategies that changed everything for me, and they fit into real life, even with a newborn, a team you’re managing at work, or a job and life full of responsibilities pulling you in seventeen directions.
If you’re thinking, “These four moves won’t make a dent in my chaos,” consider this: research shows that small, intentional actions can lead to significant improvements in overall well-being. For example, studies show that individuals who practiced small daily habits reported a marked decrease in stress levels over time. It’s not about sweeping changes, but consistent, manageable steps forward.
So let’s dive in Reader:
- Morning Agency Anchor: Before the rush starts, claim five quiet minutes – coffee in hand – and ask: “What is one thing today I can act on to close my gap?” It might be texting “no” to the extra meeting, or deciding you’ll be fully present for bedtime stories. One deliberate act. That’s the Latin agere in action.
- Boundary Builder: Once a day, protect something that matters. “No, I can’t take that on right now: I’m saving my energy for family dinner.” It feels scary the first time. Then it feels like life. Saying ‘no’ enriches others by ensuring your best ‘yes’ later, recasting boundaries as an act of generosity rather than mere refusal.
- Gap-Closer Micro-Action: Pick the smallest step toward the dream side of the gap. Ten minutes of walking while asking, “What if I really believed I could change this?” Momentum is built one footstep at a time.
- Evening Check-In: Before bed, ask, “Where did I act with agency today?” Celebrate it. Even if it was just one small thing. This rewires the belief that you can shape tomorrow.
That’s it. Four moves. Nothing heroic. Just consistent acts of remembering you still get to steer.
The urgency of agency is simple: the gap won’t close itself. Your kids keep growing. The years keep moving.
Look To Your Future
Picture your life five years from now if agency is ignored versus reclaimed. On one side, without taking charge, you see a life filled with missed opportunities, constant exhaustion, and regret over moments lost to the overwhelming demands of daily life.
On the other side, you’ve embraced it and see a future where you feel energized, present with your loved ones, and fulfilled in your work. You’ve built a legacy of intentional living that your children admire.
If not now, when?
You already have everything you need.
The same fire that’s been in human beings since we first decided to act instead of react is still in you. Inner Duty is just the decision to stop starving that fire of agency within.
So pick one thing from above and do it today. Feel what happens when agency stops being a word and starts being your life again.
You deserve nothing less.
So Reader, what will you do with your agency today?
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