Good morning Reader—

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And welcome to the eighth issue of The FAM.

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Years ago, in the wake of 9/11, I felt called—truly called—to create something that mattered. Have you ever been moved so deeply that you feel that kind of calling? It’s second to none.

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That calling became a nonprofit called We Do Care. We rallied communities to support our troops. We grew a movement that spanned continents—from Illinois to Guantanamo Bay, Germany to Saudi Arabia, even landing me on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Atlantic.

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I poured myself into it. Heart. Soul. Time. Identity.

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For seven years, We Do Care became not just my work—it became me. It wasn’t the only thing I was doing. I had a family, a business, and so many life things going on. But the non-profit slowly took priority over everything.

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I was the face of the movement. I was invited to special events for briefings on the war on terror, The Secretary of the Army gave me and 4 others a personal tour of Gettysburg, and I received mail and emails from troops and their family members from around the world. This didn’t just become a second full time job (at no pay), it became who I was, how others identified with me, and frankly how I identified myself.

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I carried that identity into every room. I wore it like armor.
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And yet, even though I was doing extreme good for a cause I deeply believed in, something that I wanted to do to help and support, became all consuming. Not only did my business suffer from lack of attention, but the quality of my work suffered because of exhaustion, lack of focus, and the very questioning of myself and who I was. And as you can imagine this all impacted my personal and family relationships too.

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Until one day, in a quiet moment across a conference room table, a coach and trusted mentor looked me in the eye and said, “Letting go is an option.”

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At first, I resisted. I asked, “Can I really let this go?”

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But he wasn’t just talking about the nonprofit. He was holding up a mirror to the deeper truth: I had fused my worth, my identity, even my relationships into this one thing I thought I had to carry forever.

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And the truth? What once gave me purpose was now draining me. I had neglected my health. My family. My business. Myself.

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That conversation—with someone who knew the cost of service and identity all too well—gave me permission to ask a bigger question: Who am I outside of this role?

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That question changed everything. And ultimately, I did choose to walk away.

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Because what had once served me—like many of the roles you and I take on—was no longer serving me.

What are you sacrificing in the name of success? Is it worth it?

At some point, most of us become very good at our jobs—and in the process, we quietly forget how to be ourselves.
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We pour ourselves into the role, the title, the responsibility. And over time, we become the go-to. The reliable one. The steady hand. We get really, really good at the role.

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But, if we’re not careful, the role becomes the only thing the world sees. Or worse—it becomes the only thing we see.
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But this isn’t just about time management. Or work-life balance. It’s about identity. It’s about living with intention.
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And sooner or later, a quiet question begins to rise:

Who am I, really?

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Not your job title or the list of achievements on your resume. Don’t get me wrong, those things are great. You worked hard to earn them, and you deserve to be proud. But don’t let those things become your name tag. Make sure you remember who you really are beneath all that.
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I’d love for you to take a moment and ask yourself: “Outside of work, who am I?”
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If you don’t have a confident answer… first, I want you to know you’re not alone. Second, know this isn’t forever. So many of us have been there. I know I have.

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You might feel it on a Tuesday night, sitting on the couch with your family—and realizing you’re there, but not there. It might hit when your child is telling you something that matters to them, and your mind is still at the office. Or when you finally get a moment to yourself and instead of feeling calm, you feel… lost.
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You used to know what you enjoyed. You used to have something that was yours. But lately, it feels like you’ve been on autopilot. Getting it done. Doing what’s expected. Moving from one thing to the next.

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And maybe, like a lot of us, you’ve become so good at being who everyone needs you to be… you’ve lost touch with who you actually are..

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There’s something that hit me really hard recently:

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62% of people would not quit their job—even if it was robbing them of happiness and joy.

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Let that sink in.

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Not because they want to stay… But because they don’t believe another way is possible.

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That’s what we’re here to challenge.

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Now, finding ‘you’ again doesn’t necessarily mean you need to do something drastic like quit your job (maybe you do, though). What it means is you need to pause. Give yourself a moment. And consider what drives you. What really matters to you. Who you are outside of what you contribute to others.
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I get it… it can be so, so difficult to separate yourself from the identity you’ve built serving others. And not just at work, but wherever you’re giving yourself away—volunteering, business, family, church group, clubs. But until you really know and honor who you are outside of those things, you’ll never be able to meet your true self.
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You’ve gotten lost in the doing. Come back to the being, or as I like to say, to the person you were born to be.
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Because life isn’t just about producing. It’s about aligning. With our actions, with our values. Our work with our purpose. Our time with what truly matters.
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And this matters even more for those in leadership—whether you’re leading in your work, your home, or somewhere else.
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Because when you, as a leader, begin to realign—when you model what it looks like to put family first, to protect your health, to honor your own aliveness—you give others permission to do the same.
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And here’s the truth no one tells us: It’s never too late to pause. To realign. To ask better questions. To choose a new way of being.

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I love how David Brooks puts it. He encourages us to ask: What does life want to emerge through me now?

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So maybe as you go through today, and you find yourself thinking about all “the things” in front of you next week, you’ll put the world’s expectations off to the side for a moment, and ask yourself:

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What life wants to emerge through me now?

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And then you can follow that up with: What’s one step I can take today to live more fully alive?

Sometimes, it only takes one question.
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When I met Gary, he’d been in sales for years. He’s the kind of person who shows up, works hard, gets it done. Reliable. Focused. All-in. Like so many of us, he takes pride in doing what needs to be done—and doesn’t really stop to question the cost.
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Until someone at a convention, someone he respected, asked him a simple question: “How many nights have you been in a hotel this past year?”
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He hadn’t thought about it. Not really. But when he got home, he dug into his calendar..
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One hundred and seventy-seven nights in a hotel room.

My thought? Holy S#@t. That’s a lot of nights away.

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And that number didn’t even include the travel days. The days spent catching up. Prepping. It didn’t account for the quiet toll of being gone more than you’re home.
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When Gary shared this with me, it wasn’t really with regret. It was with realization.
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He hadn’t seen it clearly—until that one, simple question hit him. A question that didn’t just change the way he looked at his calendar… It shifted his choices. His sense of identity. His way of living.

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Because sometimes clarity doesn’t come from a breakdown or a big explosion. Sometimes, it comes from a pause. A moment to ask:
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What am I missing while I’m doing everything I’m “supposed” to do?

And what’s one small shift I could make to come back to what matters most?
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Gary didn’t blow up his life. But he did choose a different one—starting with a question. And that’s the beauty of it. We all have that power. To pause. To see. To choose again.

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I don’t know about you, but Gary’s realization hit something deep in me. And I wonder if it might for you too.

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Because we all deserve to live in integrity with who we are—and who we’re becoming.

Have you been living by default, or by design? ​ If you’ve been grinding, performing, or just doing what needs to be done without stopping to ask what it’s costing you—this one-page tool is your mirror. ​ Inspired by Gary’s real story, The Hotel Room Question offers five simple but powerful questions to help you reconnect with what really matters… before you find yourself staring at a hotel’s ceiling from your bed, asking, “How did I get here?” Download the tool. Ask the questions. See what shifts.

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While reading The Power of Your Supermind by Vern Howard, I came across this nugget of wisdom:
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“If your grand purpose in life is to wake up, then whatever happens to you is good, for it can prod you into self-awakening.”

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Dang, that is good! A little deep, but good.. And it stirred this thought I wrote in my journal:
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“Why do we need to wake up? Because most of us have fallen asleep to our own desires—obediently marching to what others expect of us, forgetting to ask: What do I want?”

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And maybe that’s the thread running through everything in this week’s message: Waking up isn’t selfish.

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To wake up is to remember. To realign. To reclaim your freedom—the kind that doesn’t come from a job or a paycheck, but from living as the truest version of yourself.

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And that, I believe, is where the Fully Alive life begins.

P.S. I hope today’s message struck a chord, if so, I’d love to hear. Simply hit reply and let me know what was conjured up in your mind. I know you’d inspire me!

We’re on a mission to empower one million people to live Fully Alive, and you’re one of them!